NC Theory

Mew mew Kachoo.

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 09:30:07 -0400

Mew mew Kachoo.

'Shooting Stars'

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 18:43:00 -0400

Let me introduce myself, babe

I named all the stars

And there’s a terrible confusion

I gave them all the same name

And I am their illusion

They twinkle like light in your eyes

Glistening with might

Love, and with beautiful temptation

Bringing me down in this way

To you with fascination

I can’t give you the names of

The stars that I gave up

In the embrace of your love

In shooting stars above

Shooting to your heart

Shooting your stars

If I tell you, promise me, babe

Leave them where they are

You’re like a beautiful black hole

We circle all around you
As you envelop our soul

Come closer, babe
And I’ll whisper to you

You already knew

It’s your name

I turned the key and opened old wooden cupboard to find a kitty...

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 17:53:40 -0500

I turned the key and opened old wooden cupboard to find a kitty come to life before my very eyes. Cali in the Cupboard.

Breaking the monotypes.

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 13:14:02 -0500

Breaking the monotypes.

That weird moment when. . .

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:42:31 -0500

That weird moment when no matter how deep into your flesh you cut, and how hard you scratch and dig your way through, that horrible feeling in your heart can never be removed.

This is a small thing I made, but it isn’t going to be a...

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:01:52 -0500

This is a small thing I made, but it isn’t going to be a song. It’s just playing around.

"I looked into your eyes and saw a world that does not exist. I looked into your eyes and saw a world..."

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 10:44:00 -0500

“I looked into your eyes and saw a world that does not exist. I looked into your eyes and saw a world I wish I was in.”

- ‘Touched’ by Jon Crosby

Broken

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 00:13:39 -0500

Emotions. I’ve discovered lately just how in control of my life they have become. Of course, being an individual of science and rationality, I discredit emotions and bury them beneath a stone-face wall. My smile is a chain-link fence that I have put up. My rage is a brick wall with graffiti painted to offend. All of which, however still remain inside and only glimpses the outside world.

Perfect Apathy has always been a goal of mine. It has been the clear path to take in this world to progress into a being of whatever I was. A being I can’t ever see myself becoming again, but always know when I take those steps toward it after something disappointing, or hurtful happens.

Time doesn’t heal anything, only numbs and sticks a bandaid of apathy over it. Time healing is the santa clause of the most blank statement people make. Why do people say that phrase? It’s said so often. I just don’t know why you would ever tell someone to their face that ‘time heals all’. Why not give suggestions of how to make things better instead? I feel like that statement is the most apathetic thing anyone could say to promote perfect apathy.

In this hour of broken empathy, I’ve slowly realized these odd snippets of my personality and inner perceptions of myself. Things that I want and need. Things that I do, and don’t. Things that I think and feel, and what I use to run away from them. I feel like apathy has been my excuse to run away from emotions.

There is one emotion that I’ve been running from since I can remember. It’s the one emotion I’ve always felt, but never knew I was trying to run away from. There was a time when it would have been the one thing I’d accept because why would I be allowed a life of something other than it? Still I feel this way, but perhaps in my own rebellion toward the self, I extend outward to escape it by embracing a different excuse to.

I am alone.

Throughout this life, there has been this feeling of dangling on a tightrope, not walking, but dangling. With any sudden movement, it could be pulled apart and everything that I’ve tried to build for myself, and around me collapses into a giant, scattered mess. Of course, that mess is only for those that see it and have to clean it up, and not for myself. That too feels wrong. Why would someone leave such a mess for others to deal with? I’d want to be there to clean it up quietly and shuffle myself away into a dark corner to rebuild again from the ground up.

That’s just where I find myself. Right back to the beginning. Not the bang and not the word, but the true beginning. My childhood wasn’t pleasant and although I’d never want to relive years without the knowledge I have now, I do wish I could have gone back to right some things. Education for one – High school. The United States is the country with the most lawsuits and I’m certain a good majority of them are frivolous, but I do seriously feel as if I was torn away from something beautiful by the people around me. Wronged.

Sometimes I feel as I’m really a troubled fat woman with a body of a broken, slender male. The flesh feels as if it is ugly and covered in weight that is tainted by the American Standard. Medical standards are that that if it were survival of the fittest, I wouldn’t have even fit through the first gasp. Yet still I linger and still move onward in a shell that is clearly not the best description of who this person is. At least with an overweight girl, she knows that the weight is her only problem. That can be fixed, the problems this flesh holds can’t. Who would ever want that?

I know a lot of these paragraphs are segmented thoughts and feelings. I also am ashamed to realize how many times the word ‘I’ is written in to start a sentence, but perhaps it’s better to understand who it is about than to write in third person and cause a disconnect. It’s easy to live vicariously through something, or someone. We all do it with a program, as I do with ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, but then the show ends and you’re left with nothing but yourself to deal with.

Though these thoughts are all on the current state of self realization, I try to stay optimistic. Realistically. Though with no progression in my life and the constant downward spiral of emotions and events, it’s hard. There is no such thing as giving up. When knocked back down to the ground, to the lowest point, the only option is to rebuild. One day I’ll reach that high end of low. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.

‘Serenity’ is an ambient, instrumental song from the...

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 17:51:51 -0500

‘Serenity’ is an ambient, instrumental song from the 2012 album that I am working on, which is titled ‘Atmosphere’.

"Not letting you win. You won’t satisfy me. I’ll teach you about loss."

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 11:00:00 -0500

“Not letting you win. You won’t satisfy me. I’ll teach you about loss.”

- Marilyn Manson

Cali.

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 15:43:00 -0500

Cali.

Alone is a work in progress. It is the final track on an album I...

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 20:05:00 -0500

Alone is a work in progress. It is the final track on an album I am working on, but I have muted the vocals for various purposes. Again this is just a small sample of a work in progress.

Photo

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 23:59:32 -0500

The Porcelain Doll

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 00:01:00 -0400

A porcelain doll sits on a broken shelf

Its ripped and bound in shredded silk

Cast into shadows

Forbidden to show

Stitches torn from abuse and no use

A single tear ripped under its eye

Cast into ember

None to remember

It wheezes out through armageddon

Embracing the hell where it’s headin’

Burning down the room

The fire as its groom

Rising like a phoenix

Taking them to the tomb

Just finished this Lady GaGa desktop wallpaper. 1024x768

Sat, 21 May 2011 23:30:00 -0400

Just finished this Lady GaGa desktop wallpaper. 1024x768

My current desktop wallpaper. 1024x768

Sat, 14 May 2011 13:32:00 -0400

My current desktop wallpaper. 1024x768

Should people make a greater effort to keep certain, personal issues private? This is a very deep...

Wed, 11 May 2011 18:53:40 -0400

Should people make a greater effort to keep certain, personal issues private? This is a very deep topic that has more crevices than the Mariana Trench. The curves of how it may be plausible to allow a little less personal privacy, but then again, there is a reason why individuals should retain as much privacy as possible. Personally, I’m in between, but in the favor of personal freedoms, which is the final deciding factor, individuals should be allowed to have more personal issues private than less.

Firstly, it does not matter which country any individual may reside in, we are all human beings with some level of sentience – some less than others, but still sentience. As an intelligent species, we often feel as if we need to be able to balance both a personal and public life. The personal life should cater to that individual’s personality and comfort, and this includes complete privacy. If any individual outside of this comfort zone of another were to have unrestricted access, though mundane as it may be in the total scheme of life, it would hinder the quality of living for the one whose privacy has been invaded, and quite possibly eradicated.

More privacy would allow individuals to live their lives in their own comfort zone at home and allow them to have the security they need to know they have to have a quality lifestyle. To invade that in any way, shape, or form will suddenly rob, or limit an individual’s comfortability and ability to simply express their sentient individuality.

In addition to that, although it may make the world a little – not completely – safer, or at least appear as such, the risks are still going to be present in this ever changing world. Life evolves and life finds a way. If an entire global entity were to remove the ability for individuals to hack an internet system, then those hackers will find a way either around it, or target something else that isn’t given the complete focus that their previous victim now has. Not everything can be under the monitor within a twenty-four hour basis and that is why things would slip through.

Although a glamorous thought, ridding the world of crime is moot, especially if some of the crimes aren’t even criminal acts. We could debate the legality of certain things until he cows came home, and then debate if the cows are invading the property and if we should sue them, but by ridding the world, or even a city, is not going to pin down all, or again even most of the crime. A drop would be recognizable, and perhaps justifiable, but is it justifiable to eradicate only the noticeable crime in favor of bulking up those that behave behind closed doors? Not every crime is even known as criminal, or known when the act is done. A man in his house could light a marijuana joint. That is an illegal substance, but the act itself is not breaking the law, because the law enforcer cannot witness it to tell him he is breaking a law enacted by individuals that probably should engage in such an act if only to loosen their noose around the public’s neck.

Finally, to cease case on this issue, deconstructing the walls of privacy to build a greater net for criminals to be chased into is not going to do the job. Like small fish to nets, the big ones might get caught, but the little known ones will easily sneak by.

In conclusion, though many more reasons could be listed why the invasion, or complete eradication of the public’s privacy is a negative decision, it must be said that the negative points all outweigh the positives, if any even exist.

It is considered one thing to have an individual register with their respective country, or state as a citizen and be monitored in public venues, but it is a completely other point and should be criminal point to have them monitored in locations where the individual should have his, or her personal comfort zone. On their property, or on private grounds, the individual should have the joy of knowing they’re safe from the prying eyes of any individual that may judge them for being who they are.

Lastly, it is also unjustifiable to break the walls of society down and leave an entire nation without any securities just to capture individuals that the law deems criminal. Barriers are meant to keep one safe, and if the government decides to deconstruct said barriers to capture those they personally disagree with, then the government would need to lose its security as well.

To end this all, privacy is a natural right that should be respected and given without question to any individuals that desire it. No man, woman, or governing entity with any fabricated paperwork or notion should ever be allowed to destroy that right, let alone challenge it.

Marilyn Manson's 15

Wed, 11 May 2011 11:28:00 -0400

It’s time for another one of these.

To reiterate the concept, the list of 15 is a compiled list of my favorite songs, or songs I felt were the best by a particular artist I enjoy. The article came about to suggest these songs as a burnt CD track list to others, like I have done with my fifteen songs. None of the songs are in any order of least to greatest. With that said, it is time to continue on to the next list of fifteen great songs by an artist.

Marilyn Manson.

If only one word could be used to describe this man it would be this, and only this: Artist. An incredibly literate, intelligent, and littered with brilliant, dark concepts that force the world to see its true reflection, Marilyn Manson is like a black flame risen on a lone pedestal high above a room that is perverted by the normality of generic store brand candles that only flicker with the light of fame, shame, and self-delusion. As this candle whips the very core of the other’s waxen ass by belting out the problems and insecurities of the generic candles, they react by lowering the noose. See, these candles prefer to live in shadow, only able to see as far as their own light permits than to broaden their horizons by getting bigger, better; evolving.

This is Marilyn Manson’s 15.

1. ‘Cruci-Fiction In Space’ – HolyWood (In The Shadow of the Valley of Death)

The arena was pitch black. The only light that managed to peak through the curtains of space were the smallest flicker of cellphones and lighters held high over the hill of anticipation. It was a wonder the world wasn’t set on fire as low rumblings of a guitar dropped D began to surge through our very beings and let us know the shit has finally hit the fans.

I never paid too much attention to this song prior to having seen Marilyn Manson live, but when he opened the concert with this – my very first concert – something clicked. It was almost as if for those few seconds before the curtain dropped that magic truly existed. Powerful, dark, and perfect. ‘Cruci-Fiction In Space’ is the only song since that I could see the band opening the shows live with, and thus, the only song I can use to start a list such as this.

2. ‘1996’ – AntiChrist Superstar

There is much controversy and excitement that surounds AntiChrist Superstar, and rightfully so. This album was like a large wad of spit in the mouth of an ever vocal society. Though there are plenty of great songs and anthems on the album, I attached to this one and Little Horn the most. Between the two, I think this one is just more catchy and gets the vitriol in the blood pumping harder.

3. ‘The Nobodies’ – HolyWood (In The Shadow of the Valley of Death)

Coming off of the high of blaming Marilyn Manson for a crime he had not even committed, nor had any inspiration for, society had spiraled further and further down a path into their own shit and spit. Bathing, rubbing, and defecating in it, they didn’t realize that the man they had pinned the problem on that was more than likely their own fault would return bigger, and badder, and ready to fight back. This was HolyWood.

This is one of the only songs, however, that directly is regarding the tragic Columbine shootings and shows that those little shits knew that guns and violence equal instant fame and the status of heroes to the ‘American’ public. Two kids that weren’t even fans of Marilyn Manson, but hey, the public needed someone to be their scapegoat, right?

The nobodies is a song that helps perfectly describe the mood and tone of HolyWood and one of so damn many tracks on the album that are like a pulsating bliss coursing through the hot veins.

4. ‘Target Audience (Narcissus Narcosis)’ – HolyWood (In The Shadow of the Valley of Death)

This song of any written and performed by Marilyn Manson is his most perfect piece of art. Another that delves into the topic of being blamed for the Columbine shootings, it is a dark reflection to those accusers that they are the ones whom are too blame for selling their shit to the target audience and they’re not even the first ones to do it. Like worms copying maggots, the sins of the father are passed down to the children, but when we see the children’s scars we are horrified and look to the black flame to blame instead of the mirror.

5. ‘The Reflecting God’ – AntiChrist Superstar

This song hints to the events that sparked Holywood. One shot and the world gets smaller. The only problem is that his world was affected.

Besides being one of the more powerful pieces of an equally powerful album, ‘The Reflecting God’ is often placed upon a pedestal as being the best track on AntiChrist Superstar. I’d certainly agree there.

6. ‘The Last Day On Earth’ – Mechanical Animals

If ever there was a song more powerful than ‘The Reflecting God’ then this is it. It is a shame this never got to become a promotional single for the album, but it is understandable when there are only so many to choose from during a given time.

This song, and ‘Great Big White World’ truly are the most enchanting pieces of Mechanical Animals and feature the talents of the band, and man best. My opinion, of course. The epic atmosphere and lyrics of this song is echoed throughout the album, but the only downside is that it wasn’t the last track. It should have been. It would have ended a perfect album on a perfect note.

7. ‘Devour’ – The High End of Low

It is hard to describe this album. It is more about the state of mind Marilyn Manson was in rather than being a concept like the four albums before EAT ME, DRINK ME.

This song perfectly sets the mood for the album and the sound is different from anything Manson had done before, but that isn’t saying much. He always changes.

‘Devour’ attracts me like a moth to a flame, because of the enchanting guitar start to finish that reminds me of The Cure, and VAST. I’m in love with the atmosphere and sound of this song, and so no matter what anyone else has to say about the album, or the song, I love it.

8. ‘The Dope Show’ – Mechanical Animals

Of course this is on the list. How could it not?

The reason for this song being on the list is not because it is one of Manson’s most popular singles, but because it was the first song that introduced me to Marilyn Manson.

As a youth, I had seen flickers of some of his earlier pieces, but nothing drew me in like an addictive taboo such as his Mechanical Animals era. I would be in my room and watching the video to his song and be completely enthralled by the music, provocative art, and just everything that Manson was at the time. I’m sad to say, however, I did not rush out and buy his album as I was only a kid, but from the moment I fell in love with Mechanical Animals I always watched his music videos on MTV and had always been excited to see anything about Manson in that era when I was able to catch it.

So, to the song that dragged me in, it is on the list.

9. ‘Disposable Teens’ – HolyWood (In The Shadow of the Valley of Death)

If you’re going to choose one song that symbolizes the rehashing of ‘Beautiful People’ then I choose this. I love the original song from AntiChrist Superstar, but it is a case of hearing it a bit too much. It is everywhere and almost as abused as ‘Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)’ and I don’t even consider it the better of the four or so songs that spawned from it.

After ‘The Beautiful People’ came ‘Rock Is Dead’ and then ‘Disposable Teens,’ and finally ‘Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin’-Geddon’ as songs that take from the same formula. Of them, I preferred the one out of Mechanical Animals and HolyWood, but to choose between those two, well, you know which one is on the list.

10. ‘King Kill º33’ – HolyWood (In The Shadow of the Valley of Death)

HolyWood is full of amazing songs. All of them really deserve to be on here, but this is a list of only fifteen, and so some other tracks need a chance too.

As the last song from that album on this list, this track also resonates the message of HolyWood very, very clearly. It is Manson’s bitter reprisal in showing the sheeple that it is they whom built this crumbling society, he’s just the man that is pointing it out to them. A damn great track.

11. ‘Pretty As A Swastika’ – The High End of Low

This track is like a punch to the face. It is swift, and by the time it is over, you don’t know what hit you, but you want more. It’s a quick adrenaline rush that gets you ready for the journey ahead, and it helps that it is also one of the best tracks on the album.

One might say that it is the doppelganger of ‘Hearth-Shaped Glasses’ as the song came about when Manson said to a woman, whose makeup resembled the colors of the Swastika, ‘When I see you in the sun you’re as pretty as a swastika.’ Thus, a song was born. A song that is better than it’s predecessor.

12. ‘If I Was Your Vampire’ – EAT ME, DRINK ME

The fog sets, the candles on the wall flicker to life and lick ceaselessly at the cold air. A white cotton, bloodstained bed is in the middle of the red splattered room. In the center of sheets, and drenched in decay, Marilyn Manson feeds on his pain and the lifeless corpse of his marriage whilst suckling slowly upon the fresh, pale flesh of his newest victim like a vampire as certain as the moon.

This track is a visual masterpiece and if anyone could take any song from EAT ME, DRINK ME, it needs to be this one. From what I can tell, it is one of the only songs of that album he still plays live and for that, I’m saddened.

EAT ME, DRINK ME was in the right time in the right place, but it only fit in that single slot. It couldn’t be taken out and placed elsewhere like most of Manson’s catalogue. It saved him from a fate worse than death, and despite the unappeased maggots that spat it out after hungrily lunging forth, the album deserves so much more praise. The maggots that still devoured, such as myself, absorbed every last piece, like this one, with every bit of praise it rightfully earned.

13. ‘Running To The Edge Of The World’ – The High End of Low

Though reminiscent of ‘Speed of Pain,’ this track stands completely alone. It stands alone away from the album it came from, and every album before, and after. This song, though amazing and emotion as a musical piece, was more powerful thanks to the simplistic promotional video it revealed. It proved that Manson didn’t need a budget, or anything from the record company that was about to drop him to convey the message, and he did a damn good job at it.

Manson bares the scars etched into his heart in this song and shows that he, like most of us, is just someone that needs to be loved and can be hurt.

14. ‘Coma White’ – Mechanical Animals

I want to point out that it isn’t ‘Coma White’ from Mechanical Animals making the list so much as it is the live version of this track. Played live, the band tags the ‘Coma Black’ to the end of an already near perfect performance to complete it. When I had heard this song live it was magical. It was perfection.

‘Coma White–Black’ is the best song Marilyn Manson has ever performed. I dare say his most perfect live performance piece. I am only deeply saddened that there is no clear recording of this out there. I only have the perfect memory of a perfect performance.

Thank you for that.

15. ’15’ – The High End of Low

Were you expecting something else? Of course it is ’15’ at number fifteen.

This is my favorite track from The High End of Low and it just encompasses the type of music I listen to perfectly. I love Manson, but he never played the type of ambience and high guitar the way I had always loved from acts such as The Cure, VAST, and various ambient artists, until now. Both ‘Devour’ and ‘15’ play on these desires, but I also feel it plays on his strengths as an ever changing artist. Manson doesn’t need to make those heavy, distorted, or even gothic songs to be a great musician making great music, he has proven that with Mechanical Animals and with The High End of Low.

This track is also the end of a journey Manson had made that started with ‘Devour.’ At the end, you know he came out a changed man, like a fresh shower cleansing the sin and stain of his past and mental state. It leaves us with a new Marilyn Manson, an invigorated Marilyn Manson, and a Manson ready to blow our minds with whatever comes next.

Got bored and doodled. It isn’t perfect, but I just tried...

Tue, 10 May 2011 20:05:26 -0400

Got bored and doodled.

It isn’t perfect, but I just tried to capture their likenesses so that no matter how vague, you’d know who it was.

Some people want their cats to be the best cat in the world....

Tue, 10 May 2011 18:34:00 -0400

Some people want their cats to be the best cat in the world. Some people want their cats to just be a pet.

What do I want from my cat?

Just to be mine.